Doubt
by BryannaB709
Summary: Tarrant finally tells Alice how he feels about her, but she has to sorrowfully turn him down when she finds that she has to return home. And this time Tarrant is having doubts whether she will even come back to Wonderland. Rated T for angst. Lyrics from 'Doubt' by Twenty-One Pilots.


_A/N:_ Bad plot bunnies! Bad!

 _Disclaimer:_ Me no own.

 **Doubt**

 _Scared of my own image,_

 _scared of my own immaturity,_

 _scared of my own ceiling,_

 _scared I'll die of uncertainty._

 _Fear might be the death of me,_

 _fear leads to anxiety,_

 _don't know what's inside of me._

Tarrant stared out at the stars on the balcony, standing next to Alice with his hat sitting on the railing. He wanted to hold her hand, or look into her eyes, or just to say her name; instead he just stood there in the cursed silence.

The sun had set hours ago, but they still stood there in the cold air. However, he finally gained control of his extremities, wrapping his bandaged fingers around Alice's cold palm resting on the balcony railing. He saw a gentle change of color in her cheeks, and offered her a small gap-toothed smile.

The corners of her mouth pulled upward to return the gesture, and she squeezed his hand in return.

His eyes turned a soft shade of blue as he said in a light lisp, "So you believe that all of this will go away when you wake up?"

Alice turned to face him, and her smile disappeared as she said, "Yes, Hatter, I'm sorry. This is all a figment of my imagination."

She looked up at him expecting tears, anger, something, but he simply took her into his arms and placed his lips gently on hers.

 _Don't forget about me,_

 _don't forget about me,_

 _even when I doubt you,_

 _I can't live without you._

His mind screamed with colors and noise; screaming, "No! What are you doing?!" but his heart was flying; yelling, "Yes!"

Alice's proper side screamed for her to _stay away from this madman_ but the rest of her was soaring, and she found herself kissing him back.

Their lips danced over each others, and Alice wrapped her arms around his neck as if to hold him there.

His hands were at her waist as he pulled her closer, wanting to keep her that way forever and ever, by his side.

But Alice slowly dropped her arms back to her side, and broke the kiss. Tarrant looked at her with a puzzled look on his face, and said with pure concern in his voice, "What's wrong Alice?"

A tear rolled down her face as she said, "I'm sorry Hatter. I have to go."

 _Temperature is dropping,_

 _temperature is dropping,_

 _I'm not sure if I can,_

 _see this ever stopping._

 _Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts-_

 _no._

 _You are all that I've got._

 _No._

He nodded slowly, trying not to shatter in front of her even though he could feel his eyes turning a dreary shade of gray.

Alice could see the pain growing on his face, and said in a tearful voice, "I'm sorry."

Before she could burst into sobs, she turned away and left the balcony. Tarrant looked after her, and felt tears start to burn in his eyes.

He swiped them away with one bandaged hand, but twice as many tears returned.

His knees buckled underneath him as he let them roll down his cheeks, streaking his now dark makeup around his eyes.

He covered his eyes with his hands, crying softly as his tears stained the bandages on his palms.

His mind taunted him, _"She'll leave, for God knows how long this time, and this time she'll forget for good! She'll leave you behind, along with all of her memories and muchness, and she'll never come back!"_

He bit his lip in an attempt to stop the tears, but they just kept coming.

He cried on the empty balcony, moaning to himself, "Please Alice, please don't forget me again."

 _Don't forget about me,_

 _don't forget about me,_

 _even when I doubt you,_

 _I'm no good without you._

Alice strode away from the tower's ruins, her silver armor gleaming in the sunlight and the Vorpal Sword slick with purple blood.

Her hair was mussed and her face was dirty, but she bore a triumphant smile.

Tarrant saw the Jabberwock's head resting where it had fallen; the blood from its severed neck pooling on the ground; and prayed silently for Alice to stay.

Alice dropped the sword on the ground and ran towards him, her armor clanking loudly.

She hugged him swiftly around the neck, and behind her Mirana was collecting the Jabberwock's blood.

Tarrant wore a large smile on the outside, but inwardly he was thinking, "Please, please..."

 _Gnawing at the bishops,_

 _Clawing my way up this system,_

 _Repeating simple phrases,_

 _Someone holy insisted,_

 _Want the markings made on my skin,_

 _To mean something to me again,_

 _Hope you haven't left without me,_

 _Hope you haven't left without me,_

 _Please-_

Mirana handed Alice the vial of purple blood, thanking her profusely, then stepping away to give her some space.

Tarrant's smile faded as Alice turned her back on him, and took the top off of the vial.

She prepared to down the contents when Tarrant said mournfully, "You could stay."

Alice turned around, and said with a wide smile spreading across her face, "What an idea. What a crazy, mad, wonderful idea!"

A small glimmer of hope bloomed in Tarrant's mind, but died when Alice said in a softer, more pensive tone, "But I have so many things to do, questions that need to be answered."

His heart sunk as she tilted the vial back, pouring the blood into her mouth, and swallowing.

Alice offered him a gentle smile, and said, "I'll be back before you know it!"

Tarrant gave her a smile that he considered his final plea, and said, "You won't remember."

Alice said in the same optimistic tone, "How could I forget you?"

She started to fade away, so Tarrant leaned closer to her ear and whispered, "Fairfarren Alice."

He stood back finally as Alice dissolved against the cloudy sky, his eyes a dreary shade of blue.

 _Don't forget about me,_

 _don't forget about me,_

 _even when I doubt you,_

 _I'm no good without you._

 _Don't forget about me,_

 _don't forget about me,_

 _even when I doubt you,_

 _I'm no good without you._

 _No._

 _No no no no._

It was three years since Alice had left.

Tarrant was an emotional mess, lashing out at everyone who tried to approach him.

He sat at the famous tea table, his bloodshot eyes staring into the unforgiving darkness of the Tulgey Wood for any sign of her return.

Mally built up her courage, and spoke up in her tiny voice, "Hatter, don't you think a little change of scenery might help-"

Tarrant slammed his fist on the table top, and growled in an almost indistinguishable brogue, _"This is wherr mah Alice whill beh expec'ang meh, so this is wherr Ah whill beh."_

Mally flinched, but saw him cup his face in his hands, soft sobs coming through his fingers.

He wiped his eyes, smearing his multi-colored make-up across his face, and fixed his gaze on the forest again.

 _Eh, eh, don't forget about me, no,_

 _eh, eh, don't forget about me, no,_

 _eh, eh, don't forget about me, no,_

 _eh, eh, don't forget about me, no._

Alice stared down at the dull darkness of the rabbit hole, thinking over the decision she had made when she had returned those three long years ago.

She took another deep breath through her nose, and closed her eyes.

She moved her hands away from the edges of the hole, her gloves still damp from the dew on the ground, and let herself fall forward.

...

She fell forward a few inches, then hit dirt.

She opened her eyes in surprise, and felt the ground underneath her.

Every trace of the rabbit hole was gone.

She pounded her fists against the ground, stubborn tears working their way into her eyes, and she said softly, "No, no, it can't be gone, it can't be gone! No no no no no!"

She picked herself up from the dirt, and patted the ground around the now-shallow hole to make sure she didn't miss it, frantically whispering under her breath, "No no no no no!"

When her searches came up short, she tore at the hair around her temples, collapsing into the hole, and moaning into the empty forest, panicked, "No no no, I was supposed to go back! I was supposed to see them again!"

So she lied there until her nurse found her, dirty and whimpering about a man named Tarrant Hightopp.


End file.
